Two of my little angels decided this would be the perfect week to test my mothering skills. They both brought home a lovely tummy bug to share with me. After a week of ass wiping and catching vomit in mixing bowls I’ve made a list that may help out a fellow sister in times of need. #youarewelcome
You need to realise that often this bug has no warning sign and can wipe out an entire
nation house. Have buckets, pots, mixing bowls and any other handy vomit catcher in handy locations like beside the sofa, on the bedside table and even next to the toilet. You are kidding yourself if you think anyone will actually be sick in the correct location.
Little people looking sick will make you prone to ridiculous internet shopping purchases to “make them feel better”… Do yourself a favour and check out who delivers wine.
Stay away from all dairy. Right now anything with cream, butter or milk will not look pretty at 4am on your walls or in your hands.
Stop any foods with colour. As per above point.
It’s a good idea to have brolly sheets. I really should have planned this in advance.
You will need a lot of Bleach, disinfectant, cloths and guts of steel.
I clean the door handles of every room and the toilet flush buttons A LOT.
On alert of 1st vomit it’s now time to cancel your week and only eat food that looks white. When I say white I mean the paleo diet is really not your BFF right now. Get that toast and rice in your belly.
Do not be fooled. If there is a few hours break in vomiting it’s not a cause for a celebration. Do not hand out the strawberry ice cream and skull wines just yet….
Often this strikes again just when you think you have beat it and it’s worse. ASK MY WALLS!
Toilet training toddlers and runny poo is not a skill they teach at school. My only advice is DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE.
Water is your best friend. Totes your BFF. Boil some and keep in fridge. Offer small sips every ten/twenty minutes all day. Seriously. My mum gave me this simple tip and it truly helps. Dehydration is awful.
On night 1 or 2 it’s totally OK to bag up assaulted bedding or towels and chuck. It’s ok. No one will judge you.
Do NOT update your Facebook status with “little Rosie and Billy have gastro it’s awful watching them vomit”. No one will visit you for 189 years or offer to babysit. Ever.
There is a high chance you may catch this bug. Get off Facebook now and catch up on chores, freeze a few meals if you can, call a friend, do an online food order, get your Pj’s ready. Alert the UN you are unavailable. SOS SOS!!!!
Do not post on Instagram pictures of sick kids or vomit. #thecoolkidsdontcare
As soon as the vomiting and the number twos stop it’s time to chill the champers. #YOUAREALIVE
Bleach the whole house & replace toothbrushes. Don’t forget the door handles. Forget Glen10 or whatever it’s called you need INDUSTRIAL strength stuff girl!
OPEN EVERY WINDOW. Who cares if its below zero temps heat breeds germs people!
Make sure you wash your hands x1909999. It sounds so silly to remind people but we are the carriers. I also do not open my mouth when I am cleaning up vomit. in my head the germs cant get in. Just breathe through your nose.
Man Warning: It has been proven by a mum that Dad can suddenly be struck down with the man version of Gastro often when kids are at their peak of the illness or just when you cleaned the house. In that case I have no advice apart from order online full body protective clothing including face masks and get a cleaner for that loo. #Ewwwwwwwww
Chunks: If you are reading this and have a child under 1 and yet to experience toddler vomit I need to warn you: BE PREPARED FOR CHUNKS. It’s a whole new world of vomit and no one warns you! #CHUNKS
Be kind to yourself you are doling a great job! TV, iPad, whatever works to keep little people happy is your BFF. Judgy judgy mothers who say it’s not ok are just lying!
Send a wise person out to a chemist for supplies (and wine obviously) – hydro-light icy poles and professional advice will not hurt. Consult a doctor or medical help if you have any concerns immediately.
Clearly I’m not a doctor or a genius or anything fancy. I’m just a mum to three kids under 5. I don’t know much but it’s taken 4 years of the gastro bug hitting our house for me to master these tips. I hope some may help. If you have more tell us! Help a sister out!