Dear Diary… I’m Trying to be a Better Mum

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Cold coffee and concealer, half brushed hair and little sleep

Tugging, pulling on my shirt, the thumps of toddler feet

A never ending list of tasks seem longer every day

And here I have a little girl who just wants me to sit and play.

And yes I play, I’m always there but I’m always multitasking

I play and cook, I play and clean, but my time is all she’s asking

The lists are never ending, in washing I am drowning

Trying to keep things perfect at times, feels overwhelming.

I remember once upon a time, when floors were always clean

When washing wasn’t overflowing, a time of size 10 jeans

A time when showers were for one, and toys weren’t in the cupboard

A time that when the lights went out, it meant sleep uninterrupted.

Now your breakfast stains my shirt, your tears are in my hair

Your snot is on my shoulder, you’re always just. right. there.

You are my tiny shadow, you want me all the time

You want to show me everything, to see things through your eyes.

Now I sit and stop and watch you play, you tip things on the floor

I see your mind tick over as you rummage and explore

A shake of this, a bang of that, a bounce, a crayon swirl

You’re so busy being busy in your own 3yr old world.

Everything you do, you do it just for me

A drawing, a song rendition – you just want me to see

You want to see me smile and you love to hear my praise

Nothing is more magic to you than me joining in your games.

I looked at you, curls bouncing as you danced around to The Wiggles

I stopped, ignored the mess for once, and listened to your giggles

I forced myself not to jump when you tipped glitter on the floor

And instead watched you study it and sprinkle it in awe

I let my phone go to voicemail when I heard it ring three times

And told myself the world can wait, these moments are yours and mine.

There was play dough in the carpet, there was a sea of toys

But today, I left them where they were and joined in making noise

I stomped and jumped and sung with you, you squealed in such delight

‘Mummy play!’ you said, your face so full of light

Your smile lit up the room yet broke my heart in two

You don’t care about all of the mess , you just want me to be with you.

Right there in that moment, my tears I tried to cover

I’ve been so busy and distracted while trying to be the perfect mother.

A clean and tidy home was high up on my list

And while I’ve been multitasking, magic moments I have missed

Often saying ‘won’t be long’ or ‘please just wait a minute’

Now I realise that what makes a home is just how you live in it.

So, Today i didn’t clean a thing, I let the house become a mess

I didn’t do the dishes, and the washing is still wet

I didn’t break away from play, nothing shone or glistened

I simply stopped, appreciated, played with you and listened.

I know it isn’t possible to leave everything each day

I know things need to get done and the folding put away

I know there are errands to run, to get dinner on the plate

But I vow to make more days like this, where everything else can wait.

Today I saw things for what they were

Today I felt ashamed

I’ve been trying to be so perfect

But forgot how to just stop and play

I forgot the point of all of this

Consumed in all life’s to do’s

I forgot how to just be mummy, for it to just be me and you.

I’m learning that it doesn’t matter just how much mess we make

As long as we are together.. the mess… Well it can wait.

Xo

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