I’m sure this week there has been a curse put on my household. I feel as though I must have done something pretty bad for the universe to throw such a curveball like this my way…
You see, this week the dreaded ‘Man Flu’ came knocking on my door and presented itself in the form of a sniffling, sneezing, moping, invalid of a man who looked very similar to my husband, minus his balls!
It all started with a slight niggle- ‘A tickle’ in his throat late last week. I chose to simply smile sweetly and say ‘just gargle some saltwater, you’ll be fine’. Through the next day I received text messages stating that the ‘throat tickle’ has progressed into a runny nose. I’m not pandering to this I thought, If I ignore it, it will go away.
That evening, my husband arrived home a sniffing, spluttering miserable mess. I knew I was in trouble when he started rummaging through the medicine cabinet asking me my advice I what to take when you’ve got the ‘flu’.
NO! Not that word! When a male uses the dreaded F word, it can only mean one thing, for the next few days you are doomed to the constant moaning and groaning of your Man Flu infected partner.
What had I done to deserve this?
Ignoring it only made things worse.. Questions like ‘how many nurofen do I take?’ And ‘where is the Vicks’ started to really annoy me. So I put together a ‘man flu’ corner and there sat tissues, Vicks, nurofen, nasal spray, blistex, a thermometer and water. My kitchen had turned into a chemist.
In doing this, I found acknowledging it was an even bigger mistake! My weekend was spent as an on call nurse as my husband lay in bed and in between trying to reason with my very determined ‘daddy’s girls’ as to why they couldn’t play with him.
Love him as I do, man flu is the one thing I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Not for the flu infected person themselves but for the poor wife / mother who has to deal with it!
Why men turn into big babies the moment they feel a cold coming on is beyond me?! Perhaps every winter they reach their full capacity of being an independent capable adult and somehow revert back to a newborn? Maybe it has something to do with the full moon? It is a mystery that I am determined to find the cause and solve it for all womankind.
After sleeping on the freezing cold couch for two nights in a row dreading the thought of having to lay next to a sooky snot filled snoring machine all night, the next morning I woke with a plan!
Feeling pissed off that:
A. I still have to do EVERYTHING when I’m sick and;
B. I would never be able to lay in bed for two days even if knocking on deaths door, I decided to do something different this time around.
Through gritted teeth, I sweetly smiled all day, shushed the girls when they were being too loud to allow my man-child to sleep, I went and brought him two new release DVDs, his favourite treats, rubbed Vicks on his chest, tucked him into bed as I would a child, took his temperature, let him sleep for hours and hours uninterrupted, cooked a beautiful warming soup for dinner, let him eat it in the bed (my clean freak OCD was through the roof by this stage) and pandered to his every need.
Why you ask? Becuase I love him? Well yes. But I have the bigger picture in mind.
You see, this Saturday evening, I am attending a girls night out. I plan on having a very big hangover the next day. To which I will expect the very same treatment but swapping the Vicks and tissues for two Panadol, a Coke Zero and one hell of a greasy hangover breakfast.
And I know I am going to enjoy every minute (minus the hangover part). I might even make him wear a nurse outfit for my own entertainment! Perhaps then, next time man flu hits our household he might just ‘suck it up princess’ like us ladies have to. Bless him.
Man flu revenge will be mine!