Yes I have three sons. No I am not trying for a girl

trying for a girl

I have three young sons and at least once a week people, usually strangers, will say to me “Wow three boys! No girls? You must have your hands full!” or something to that extent.

This is not my first rodeo so I am now able to smile, answer honestly, no, and move the conversation along.

However, when I was pregnant with my third son, Leo, I was not so nonchalant.
When people found out I was pregnant their face lit up and they would congratulate me. Until they found out he was a boy their face would fall and they would say things like “oh no! How awful. What a shame!” One woman even laughed cruelly in my face and said, “oh god, that’s just terrible!”

Each time I would hear a mean comment about Leo’s gender it felt like I was being in stabbed in the heart. I was hurt and dismayed they were saying such unkind things about my beautiful baby – just because he had siblings of the same gender didn’t mean he was a travesty and a burden.
I distinctly remember thinking “could you at least wait until he is born healthy and well before you start telling me how horrible having three boys is going to be?!”

Not every pregnancy results in a healthy baby it felt like their negative comments were curses and would physically recoil from them.

I held it together until one day a person smiled and said to me “It’s a boy? Congratulations!!” and I started crying. It was just such a relief to have someone say something kind about my baby for once. Even if they thought otherwise, they had the emotional intelligence and the grace to see what Leo was to me, a blessing, and treated him as such.

Now Leo has been born, healthy and well, and people find out that I have three boys they ask me “so are you trying for a girl next?” and I reply, no, one of two things will happen.

trying for a girlThe person will either pity me or launch into a song and dance about why girls suck and boys rule.
To be honest when people bag out girls it still hurts a little, for lots of reasons but the most glaringly obvious being that I am a woman that has given birth ergo I was born with a uterus and therefore is it safe to assume I used to be a girl.

I have made peace that I will have to go through this rigmarole every week probably for the rest of my life so I just let them finish, smile and then go about my business.

When someone that I feel like that I am going to be talking to on a regular basis asks me if my husband and I are trying for a girl next sometimes I take the time to go into further detail and get the matter out of the way so they don’t ask me repeatedly.

I believe that people can hold two or more mutually contradictory ideas at the same time without their heads exploding so here is what I say when people continue to ask me if I am going to try for a girl next.

No my husband and I are not trying for a girl.

Not because I don’t like girls – girls are awesome!!! I would love to have a girl! I am a naturally curious person and would love to experience having a child of the opposite gender.

Having a child of one gender and wanting another does not make you an ungrateful or a bad parent. It is perfectly natural to be curious and wonder what it would like to have a child with a different gender or want to have a child of a different gender.

trying for a girl

I just can’t see myself having another baby. After having my youngest son Leo, my doctor asked me “do you feel like you have any more babies in you? Are you going to roll the dice one more time?” and the answer is no.

My life is really full right now and I am not so sure I want to roll the dice again. It’s not that I absolutely do not want to have any more children I just feel like at the moment the stakes are too high. If I felt like I had it in me to care for another child I would prefer to look at fostering or adopting.

That usually does the trick.

Do you have children only of the same gender? How often do you get asked this question? How do you handle it?

 

Jacinta is a West Australian blogger and writer and a mother of three boys. You can find more from Jacinta at www.jacintakeeble.com

5 thoughts on “Yes I have three sons. No I am not trying for a girl

  1. Lisa bamess

    I have 3 sons and have experienced much the same
    Types of comments. I never found out the sexes of my babies until about 6 months into my third pregnancy where I felt I had to just so I could stop people saying “I really hope it’s a girl” because I didnt care as long is he/she was healthy. But in the end I felt so bad for my unborn baby I had to find out the sex just so I could make myself feel better and stop the I hope it’s a girl comments. But then came the are you going to try for a girl comment, they don’t bother me I just say no I’m closed up shop now but if I did decide I wanted another I would try for a baby, not a girl as you can’t really try for a sex you are just setting yourself up for disappointment.

    Reply
  2. Julie

    Having a son who lives with a disability I’ve had amazingly thoughtless comments. Every child is precious and a happy healthy child regardless of gender is what we should be aiming for.

    Reply
  3. zim

    I’ve always wanted to know the sex of my babies as soon as possible. I have a rule not to fixate my mind on any particular gender – it sounds easy for me to say as I have a boy and a girl. I recall when I was expecting my first born son. I was at a bank and a small boy started playing with me. The mom (I assumed) started going on and on about how I must be expecting a boy and how unfortunate I was, feeling sorry for me and all. I found it to be the most bizarre thing to say but brushed it off and went my way.

    Reply
  4. Helen K

    We have a boy and a girl, and I couldn’t believe how many people said to us ‘Aren’t you clever – you’ve got your pigeon pair’. Um, no, that’s just how it happened, and we would have been just as happy with two boys (or, if it happened, two girls – particularly as I’ve grown up as the elder of two girls, and we were perfectly happy – as, I think / know, were my parents!). It seems like such a strange thing to comment on to me – so I can imagine it would be even worse when it’s said in a sympathetic way. People are strange sometimes!

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *