Stupid things to say to a mum of twins..

My twin boys are nearly 6 and they have just started kindergarten. I remember pushing them around the shops in their twin stroller like it was yesterday. I couldn’t go more than 2 meters without hearing “oh look twins” and people stopping to have a look. I secretly didn’t mind, I was proud of them and it’s the closest I will ever be to feeling like I was a celebrity with all the attention! There was one comment that I used to hate hearing when people walked by, and that was “oh look double trouble”...
I guess it’s the ‘thing’ you say to twins, and yes at 6 years old I would definitely say that is now appropriate, but hearing that as a mum when they were so little and beautiful just got on my nerves at the time.

My trips to the shops, or anywhere really would be full of the same questions, and despite how many times I heard them I could never think of a clever and witty thing to say back, so would just scream things in my head and share the ‘guess what someone said to me today’ stories with my twin mummy friends and we’d laugh about it, or admittedly we’d sometimes need to vent about what rude and stupid questions we’d been asked.

I remember an occasion when my twins were 15 weeks old and a lady stopped me outside the post office, and I got the full monty of stupid questions…

Interested person – "are they twins?"
Me – "yes"
My head - der, no I bought a $700 twin pram just to take the neighbours kid out with me every time I go to the shops

Interested person – "how old are they?"
My reply – "15 weeks"
Interested person-  "What? Both of them?"
My reply – no words
My head - idiot

Interested person - "Do twins run in the family?"
My reply – "No"
My head – here we go, she’s going to ask ‘that’ totally personal invasive question

Interested person - "Are they natural?"
Me – "Yes"
My head – well they are made of skin and bones, not plastic and fiberglass and so yes I’d say they were natural

Interested person - "So you didn’t have help then?"
Me – "No"
My head – no me and the hubby know how to do the horizontal dance of love without any assistance thank you

Interested person – "How strange that you got twins then if it doesn’t run in the family."
Me – "mmmm"
My head – well it does now!

Interested person – "Are they identical?"
Me – "Yes"
Interested person – "What are they?"
Me – "Boys"
My head – well I thought them being dressed head-to-toe in blue might give you a clue
Interested person – "What? Boys, both of them?"
Me – "Yes"
My head – well I’ve already confirmed they are identical and that does actually include what’s in their nappies. Idiot.

Interested person – "Are you sure this one isn’t a girl? he’s too pretty to be a boy!"
Me – "I’m sure"
My head – yes I think I’d know the sex of my own children funnily enough

Interested person – "They look identical don’t they?'
Me – "Yes"
My head – really, I thought you decided that one was pretty and looked like a girl

Interested person – "How do you tell them apart?"
Me – "I just can"
My head – she thinks I get them mixed up

Interested person – "Are you sure you don’t get them mixed up?"
Me – "Yes"
My head – I bet she’s going to tell me about a way I can tell them apart

Interested person – "I had a friend whose sister’s cousin had twins and she used to pin a duck onto twin 1 and 2 ducks onto twin 2."
Me – "Oh really? That’s clever."
My head – I know something that rhymes with duck

Interested person – "Are you breastfeeding?"
Me – "Yes"
My head – great she’s staring at my boobs
Interested person – "How on earth do you do it with two?"
Me – "It's tricky"
My head – you want a demo lady?

Awkward silence

My head – omg she’s still staring at my boobs....... Awkward silence

My head – far out she really wants to know. Stop staring at my breasts! Just stop!

Me – "Sometimes I give them a bottle too."
My head – oh good, now she’s now stopped staring at my breasts

Interested person – "Which one is your favourite?"
Me – "Seriously?"
My head – does she have kids?

Interested person – "Yes you must have a favourite"
Me – "No of course I don’t!"
My head – shall I just say the one who looks like a girl

Interested person – "Can they read each other’s minds?"
Me – "Not sure of that yet."
My head – hold on I’ll just ask my 15 week old kids, and despite the fact that they can’t talk I know that they can - I just read their minds

Interested person – "Well you’re lucky you don’t need any more kids!"
Me – "Not for now"
My head – how nice of you to decide that for me

Interested person - "Which one is the oldest?"
Me – "This one"
Interested person – "By how much?"
Me – "1 minute"
Interested person – "ooooo that sounds very fast!"
My head – great now she’s looking at my vagina with a painful face. I’m not telling her I had a caesarian as I’ll get those, ‘oh you ONLY had a caesarian type comments’, I’ll let her think I have a super powerful push down there

Interested person – "Well good luck, you’ve got double trouble now"
Me – "Thanks"
My head – I’m going to seriously smack the next person who says double trouble, and then I’ll show them what trouble is

Interested person – "You go home and get some rest, you look tired."
Me – "I will"
My head – I want to punch you!

On my way I went, and no there was no harm to the interested person! I know people are just interested but seriously some questions! One time my inner rebel came out when a lady asked if they were twins and I dared myself to say no. That didn’t go down too well so I went back to smiling and nodding politely, just smiling and nodding…

And to that interested person, I did have more children. I could list a whole new set of questions I received whilst pushing a twin stroller around and a newborn wrapped to my body but that’s another story, summarised by wanting to design a t-shirt that said:

“Yes they are twins”
“Yes they are all mine”
“Yes I do have my hands full”

Charlotte x

Charlotte is multi tasking super mum who has a love for fun, fitness and healthy cooking for her family. You can follow Charlotte over at her new blog www.thrivingsoul.com.au