I had been with a man for over ten years. He was my first real boyfriend, the first man I had lived with, my fiancé and then my husband. The father to our darling daughter. The road was long and rocky and eventually our marriage ended in a loveless, hurt filled mess.
I was broken. I was shocked. I had become the thing I never imagined becoming in a million years. A single mother. And SINGLE again after what felt like a lifetime of being with someone.
The tears flowed as did the wine. All was dark and I didn’t know myself anymore. My family and friends distracted me, nurtured me, cooked for me and kept me company but I was just lost and ashamed. Ashamed that I wasn’t good enough to fight for. I felt like a failure and a stranger to myself.
One night during a boozy night after a dare from my girlfriends I reluctantly joined Tinder. Dick pic, booty call, sleazy, creepy guy filled Tinder. Swiping was exhilarating. So cut throat, so vein. Simply saying yes or no to men based on a few photos and a brief blurb about themselves. It was mindless fun and took my mind off the lonely nights and the pain I was facing.
Night after night, when my daughter was sound asleep and I was feeling alone.. the swiping began.
No. No. No. Definitly not. Nope. Nope. Yuck. No. No. OMG NO!.. No…
Ohh wait…. Do I know him? He looks so familiar.
He was a friend of a guy I used to see years and years ago. He was tall, handsome and lived only a few minutes away. I had actually seen him in the distance at the pools a few weeks prior when having a dip with my daughter and thought to myself ‘he’s so cute’.
So I swiped right. Turns out he did too.
After a few chats, we decided to meet. A night to myself as the wine flowed yet again, I thought ‘hey I have nothing to lose… It’s just an old friend I’m catching up with!’
Cue nerves. We met, we drank, we laughed, we kissed sitting at the beach, we held hands.
That night he came back to my place and that would be the beginning of a summer fling that I will never forget.
We would see each other when my daughter was at her dad’s place, we would bump into each other at the pools on a hot day… We flirted , kissed and laughed together and I was hooked.
He made me laugh. He made me forget about all the drama when I was with him.
Yet, I knew what this was from the beginning. A fling. He told me he was moving overseas for a few years later this year.
My fondest memories are those balmy summer swims, our chats on my balcony and attempting to watch DVDs together but never quite making it to the end.
He brought me back to life. He helped me discover laughter again. I smiled when I was with him.
On nights he was coming over, my afternoon was filled with nerves and excitement getting ready. I felt like a teenager again. Like a woman again. I felt wanted and desired after so long in an eventually empty marriage where I was simply… Ignored. And it felt damn good.
Fast forward many fun filled nights together…
He’s now moving overseas in a matter of weeks. Am I upset, yes and no. I will miss him a lot but I am so thankful for the brief time we spent together. He helped me open up again. He helped me realise that laughter is the best medicine. He showed me what it was to be wanted and desired. He, in my time of grief brought me comfort in a way that no one else could.
He was more than just a fling. He was a friend too.
I will be forever grateful for our brief encounter because now I know that if you simply take a risk… A step outside of your comfort zone, you may… Just may… Find happiness.
Even for a moment in time, it was worth it.
Thankyou Mr. Summer Fling.
I finally feel a little more myself because of you.