Today, while at the park pushing my little girl on the swing, I know if you had have seen me, It would have seemed to you like my world was filled with giggles and butterflies.. And it was, all be it for a few precious moments. My daughter’s hair full of ringlets floating in the wind as I pushed her on the swing laughing with her leaning in to her ear making funny voices with each push.
But in those lovely moments of my mummy bliss, I looked over and saw you breast feeding your newborn while standing and walking around, your little one cluched on to you as you toddler wrangled all while trying to hold a conversation with your girlfriends to be polite trying maintain some sort of adult normalcy in your day.
I admired you from afar thinking to myself – wow! That’s multitasking at it’s finest! I looked at you and wondered if I could ever cope with having two children. I wondered if I could ever be as clever as you as you changed your screaming newborns nappy all while having eyes in the back of your head watching your toddler’s every move.
To you, you were just doing what you had to do.. As a mum. But to me, admiring you from afar, you were my hero.
As I went on relishing in the sunshine and the happiness the park seemed to bring both my daughter and I, I looked over to see you trying to leave the park – a moment every parent dreads for we all know good things come to an end and so there you were… Your toddler having a full blown meltdown to the point of you having to hold him in a football grip so he wouldn’t run a mile while you struggled out the gate trying to push your delicate crying newborn in the pram over the bumpy grass hill.
I watched you through my sunglasses trying not to make it obvious. But I saw you. I saw you in that moment of complete and utter helplessness. I saw you struggle. I saw you stop, pick up your son, eyeball him and yell something along the lines of STOP IT, JUST STOP!!!!! In that moment. I was with you, and might I add so were a few mums standing around me.
You didn’t hear their words of understanding , their admiration for you and their respect for the mum you are and the job you’re doing. You didn’t see me get teary eyed as I watched you thinking, God I just want to give her a hug.
And more importantly… You didn’t see me this morning. In the four walls of my home home absolutely lose it over my daughters 8th meltdown before 10am. You didn’t see me, just as you were – helpless, fed up, over it and upset as I yelled at my daughter to JUST STOP!! So here’s what I want to say to you, You are not alone.
I know you went home and probably cried. I know you felt awful about yelling. I know you felt like a crappy mum and I know you were overcome with mummy guilt.
I know because I felt it too today.
But you know what, feeling that just means that you’re an amazing mum who loves her kids and yes ok, today you lost it- but what mother doesn’t sometimes! We are mothers – but we are also human and we have our limits. And we are our own toughest critics.
Cliche as it sounds, tomorrow is a new day… And if tomorrow is shitty… And the next day.. And the next. Take comfort in the fact that we are in this together just trying to be the best mums we can be – we all lose it some times.
And guess what, our kids will be fine. Because passion and love and chaos and losing it sometimes is motherhood- some days will be amazing and some will be hell. But as long as you’re trying your very best (and I know you are) then that’s what matters.
You’re doing an incredible job, I can only hope that you can see that…
Because I do.
Written by Bridget Harris – super crafty mum who’s often found with a glitter gun in one hand and a wine glass in the other! Find Bridget working over at: Ever the dreamer